Enter the Trash Witch
This is the Acquisitions, Inc. podcast, Enter the Trash Witch.
Summary[edit | edit source]
Enter the Trash Witch[edit | edit source]
The Party[edit | edit source]
The Contract[edit | edit source]
The group needs to pick up some interns for a new mission.
Omin selects some interns:
- "Hell's Adjacent" Hibner: A tiefling that doesn't sleep much.
- Tweed Barsum: A gnome.
- Alandria Primp: An acolyte in her early days of wizard training.
- Scubby Hornswallow: A scruffy forest gnome with small, rough hands.
Viari is suffering from the death curse, as is Jim. Jim has sores on his body that he is covering with powder, sunglasses and a wig. The wig is of black, luxurious curly black hair. Jim is strutting around, looking good.
Omin has been buying assets, similar to how some companies buy medical debt. One such acquisition is an infernal contract, which is a binding agreement linking a soul to the owner.
The contract he bought is bound to Strix. Omin learns that the Skizziks were a human family from Sigil that feared annihilation from their rivals. They made a pact with Asmodeus to become tieflings and they were also awarded vassals - devils to serve as bodyguards and assistants.
This representative of the infernal house is bound to do as Omin commands.
Summoning Strix[edit | edit source]
Strix freaks out for a second. Jim tries to figure out her deal with an insight check. He rolls a 1. He declares that she is a dumpster witch, or maybe a trash witch.
Jim has been trying to shake off the death curse by juicing. Strix and the Acquisitions Inc. team get to know each other and compare robots. The waffle crew has a kid-killing robot. Acq, Inc. has fraternized with beer robots.
Traveling to Chult[edit | edit source]
The group flies to Chult, a trip that takes 10 days. Strix sometimes throws hand-written notes over the side of the ship, hoping to make contact her friends. Jim sees this and tries to be all smooth, offering her a dove. Strix loves birds. She nonchalantly thanks him.
As they get close to Port Nyanzaru, they see some winged gnashers and they spot a massive turtle in the water.
A creature flies up to their ship. It is a friendly half-dragon with gold scales holding a staff. He is Zindar the Quartermaster.
Zindar explains that normal sailing ships pay a dragon turtle in gold and gems for safe passage to the bay. There are pirates out there causing problems for the city, and they have a secret cove. Omin really wants to take down the pirates once the death curse is dealt with.
Skills Assessment[edit | edit source]
Jim realizes that she's a sorcerer. Jim says that she is a pervert. Viari can't believe that Jim is calling her a pervert - he assumes she must be into really freaky stuff for Jim to say such a thing.
The group wants to see what Strix can do. Viari shoves Hibner over the side, and he begins falling toward the ocean below. Strix flies on her broom and tries to grab him. She rolls a 9. His shirt rips and he keeps falling. She tries to polymorph him into a bat. He rolls a saving throw and gets a natural 20. Hibner falls into the water.
Strix has flashbacks to when she accidentally killed Ireena.  Viari dives in and they find Hibner in the water, alive and unconscious. Strix polymorphs him into a bat. They bring him on the ship and give him bat CPR.
The group lands and heads into Port Nyanzaru, a jungle city where dinosaurs are beasts of burden.
There's a really nice boat with a bright blue sail nearby. The crew waves in a friendly manner. Omin sends them fruit baskets.
Port Nyanzaru[edit | edit source]
The heroes heads toward Kaya's House of Repose in a nicer part of the city.
Viari wants to buy some clothes so that he can fit in. He gets a turban and billowing Errol Flynn-style clothing.
Ankylosaurs are pulling a ship into a berth. Jim walks up to one of them and puts a hand on it, Jurassic Park style. The dinosaur handlers poke him with 10 foot poles.
Jim acts sicker and claims that dinosaur racing might be something he needs.
The group agrees that a triceratops is the way to go. They want to raise dinosaurs.
Viari feels sympathy for Strix, knowing what it's like to be an intern. He buys her a custom witch hat. It's light and has pouches. Strix cries and says how nice it was. Viari wants a hug. Strix doesn't do hugs. She gives him a weird hand touch.
Jim's makeup is running. He rudely tells Strix that he can give her makeup tips. She casts alter self to look like him and insults him. Jim runs away, weeping, saying that they need to get rid of this trash witch.
The Merchant Prince[edit | edit source]
They meet with a merchant prince to discuss getting in on the dinosaur races.
The prince offers them pistachio nuts and the group is all over it, Strix especially. The prince learns that Strix beat the death curse and wants to hear about it over dinner. She panics, and then is relieved when the whole group is invited.
Jim, resentful of Strix, says that she's lying about the cure, and also, she can't cast any good spells. Strix quietly sets the bottom of his robes on fire. He snaps his fingers and puts the fire out. He threatens to set her on fire. Someone points out that she's a tiefling - fire doesn't bother her all that much.
The Meeting[edit | edit source]
Later, the group is going to meet with the prince. They're in a tavern. A woman gives Jim a harlequin mask. "Prince Wakanga offers you this gift. A magic item given to him from a friend long ago. It will enhance your natural beauty."
The Library[edit | edit source]
The group goes to the prince's home and checks out his library while they wait for him to be ready. They decide to read some books. Chris wants the group to roll percentile to see what book they find. Viari rolls a 100!
The group learns a ton of lore. They learn about Ubtao, a god who lived among the people, the father of Chult. The Chultans became so warlike with each other that Ubtao left Chult. He wanted them to solve their problems themselves. Ubtao loved mazes and it is said that if you trace a path through one of his mazes, you earn his favor.
The group also learns that there are rumors of a portal to the underworld in the mountains. Lurking there is Dendar the night serpent, who will devour the sun if she is released. Dendar is a god of the yuan-ti.
Bad Guys[edit | edit source]
As the group reads, 4 assassins creep into the room. They're wearing black and they have wavy daggers. Omin spots them.
Omin is very interested to see Strix's capabilities. Viari warns her - no fireballs in the library. She does it anyway and she shapes the fireball so that it doesn't harm the group or the books. She looks at Jim while she does it.
Jim is not happy.
The heroes pummel the assassins. Viari likes the snake lady assassin. She flees the scene. End of session.
This adventure is continued on the Acquisitions, Inc. PAX West 2017 show.